 |
This post has been swimming in my head from a couple of conversations I've had with experienced working mother friends and new working mamas over the past few weeks. Back when I had all the answers on parenting (you know--prior to actually being one), I made several assumptions about myself and about what being a mother would actually look like.
One assumption prior to being a mother is that it would get easier with practice. That is, in fact, false. It doesn't get easier--it just becomes the new normal. What do I mean by this? I just thought I was good at multitasking prior to motherhood. Now, between the baby, the husband, and my job, I realize I'm just now understanding multitasking. As I review some of my day's accomplishments, I realize that the only way I managed all those tasks was the Lord blessing my time. No, seriously. It can only be the Lord. It blows my mind.
For example: how did I have time to play with the boy, blog, keep the house picked up, and the laundry on schedule, plus I made dinner? After working 9 hours today with a doctor appointment on my lunch hour? Mystified.
Also, I think I underestimated the cuteness factor of my kiddo, or maybe I overestimated my own stoicism. (See also: tears that come to my eyes at the drop of a hat, post-baby. I rarely cried pre-baby.) I just thought he was cute when he couldn't do anything but lift his head up off the play mat for 1 minute. Now that he's mobile, he's talking, he's mimicking us (oh my gosh, cuteness factor off the charts), and he's especially reaching for "ma-ma", it's so, so hard to leave him every day.
I'm thankful my husband drops him off, because I would have run out of vacation days about 4 months ago. I miss him every day, but as I've mentioned before, it's not paralyzing. I still make it through the day, with occasional breaks to laugh at his iPhone videos. (This week it's of him dancing. Hi-larious, I tell you.)
I'm imagining that there is this double bell curve of missing your child. It climbs until the terrible twos, then experiences a dip, and starts to climb again around the 3 or 4 until maybe age 13. I have no idea though. I'm just making that up. Maybe it won't dip ever, and when mine graduates high school I'll have to go with him to A&M and study for some Masters degree.
Am I alone in this? What's your experience?
So much of this resonates! The multitasking, the cuteness, the tears (As Seinfeld said, "What is this salty discharge?"), and, sadly, the difficulty leaving.
ReplyDeleteSome days are less hard than others, but every day is hard. My husband is sweet to send photos and updates through the day, and, of course, I try to soak up that time in the evenings and on weekends.
Like you said, though, some days you really realize how reliant you are on the Lord. Praise Him for walking with us through this parenting thing!
Agreed. I have good days and not as good days. And lots of pictures on my phone. :)
DeleteBeing a working mom IS tough...but you know what... I LOVE it--best of BOTh worlds...I enjoy teaching I love my family a lot too.
ReplyDeleteBaby 2 is on the way (August)and Ill be on maternity leave for a year but I admit I am petrified of being a working momma to 2 lil' ones.
Christine
cdanine315@aol.com
That's great! A year of maternity leave! Awesome!!!
DeleteI just had a conversation today with some friends about our boys. I mentioned that whoever said, "terrible two's" hasn't had a 3 year old! One of my friends has a 5 year old and she said she didn't know hard until now! I thought ... "Oh great!" But, one thing I have learned is that no matter the frustrations and hard times that will inevitably come ... there are definitely some amazing, sweet, precious memories that I will cherish forever and seem to stand out more than the bad ones! God is good like that!
ReplyDeleteI love this, Leslie! I know every child is different, so who knows?! My mom doesn't remember me going through the terrible twos or threes, but time has a way of changing history sometimes. :) Motherhood is really something else.
DeleteI love working mom convos so I will pipe in...before I tried the sahm thing, every morning was hard for me. I'd drop the kids off and feel so sad and guilty that I was going to work. Then I stayed at home full time for 5 months. Clearly that wasn't the best thing for our fam. And so I went back to work part time. And now...whew, it is so much better when I leave the boys. And it's not because I see them more now than I did on a full time schedule....it's really because I am doing what works best for our family. So I think once you figure out what is best for your family, it helps so much because missing them isn't associated with guilt...it's just missing them. Does this make sense?
ReplyDeleteI love reading any working mom stuff so keep it up!
AmyD
I love this comment, Ames! I have to say, that because of my awesome care situation, I don't feel guilty about going to work. My deal is mostly selfish--I want to be with him all the time, whether he cares or not! ;)
DeleteIt really is about finding the right balance for each family. I love that you have found yours.